Hey you,
It’s been a year since you started this, you know. I think you took your own advice.
Well, I’m proud of you, you haven’t saved the World or anything yet, but I’m still proud of you.
Anyways, I figured since it’s been a year and all, I may as well write you another letter. Fair warning, I’m one mimosa deep, fresh from a ‘breakup’, and currently sitting on a plane between two people with about 5 hours left until I land— so this might be a long one:
Sometimes I think about how at Seventeen, you thought your world was over and you were ready to give up on life because of it. And you could’ve, you know, given up in the driver’s seat of your car at the park that day— but then you would’ve missed your own rebirth. And you would’ve missed the destruction and rebuilding of your world dozens of times over since then. You would’ve never realized how much stronger you came back each time you came out of the pit.
Anyways, I’m really proud of you. I know November’s aren’t historically your best month, and that these past few birthdays haven’t exactly been the best either, but you still made it to this year, and this Birthday.
Just think of all the ways you’ve grown since the last time I wrote you this letter. Yeah, you’ve had your heart broken three or four times since then, but that’s your own fault for not listening to your gut. You willingly wasted your time with boys who you confused for men. That’s on you girl, lol. But yes, just in this last year you got to learn more about yourself, your dreams, and the threshold for your tolerance. It took a lot of fucking up to get to where you are now— and while where you are still isn’t peak, at least you’re not who you were last year. I think the beauty’s more in your willingness to keep going though, rather than the sadness of each time you let the universe knock you around.
Think about how in the last twelve months, you either bonded with or met some of the people you’re gonna wanna learn from and connect with for the rest of your life. Think about all the experiences that led you to them— the Miss LA County pageant, the Half Marathon, the Girl Boss Rally, and all the other awesome dates and hikes that exposed you to such amazing people. They were part of your year too, and they made you see more of yourself than any of those boys that made you cry throughout it. Don’t let them forget what they mean to you.
In fact, I think that’s what I really want this letter to be about— the gratitude and growth you’ve developed since last year. I know you’ve obviously got a long way to go still, and so much more to experience, but I want you to take this year’s letter as a permission slip to keep stepping out of your comfort zone and keep making mistakes with the love that you’re always too eager to give out. Your brain’s probably screaming at me to shut up with all this— but I really think this might be good for you in the long run.
Besides, it was only a past version of yourself who was ready to end everything. Why don’t you just make the most out of all the years you got back for yourself when you decided to keep living?
Almost done, I promise. I just want to leave you with a few words to keep you going. Maybe they’ll stick like how last year’s did:
Stop crying over boys who have no passion for you. Don’t waste your time with anyone who doesn’t feel fire for you in the same way that you do for them.
Take your dreams more seriously: your life dreams and your dream dreams. Be honest with yourself and your intentions to accomplish them. Stop denying the boldness of your path.
Spend more time in places that make you feel like home, and with people who make you feel like being yourself is okay. You owe it to yourself to finally be comfortable with your existence.
Be more grateful for the lessons Devika’s taught you, and more mindful of when Mom needs help. Stop coasting, you’re about to be 24, and it’s getting old.
I get that money isn’t everything— but paying off your student loans has got to be at the top of your list— your body can’t handle the anxiety anymore, and the rest of your life can’t seem to begin until that’s all over and squared away.
Last one, I promise: Keep learning as much as you can, as long as you can. I mean, how are you supposed to save the world if you don’t know how?
But yes, okay okay okay— I’m done. I hope you have a birthday that’s better than the last, and the one before that, and the one before that.
Don’t forget that next year you will be in a completely different place than where you are right now.
I just hope it’s better.
Love you, and Good Luck,
Ambika // Ganges Gal
